Story: |
"Why am I being ridiculed? I want to know, damn it! Have you come to laugh at me, too? To call me 'queer' and try to make me cry, or change my feelings about him?"
"No. I just want to listen, for once. To be the comfort for a friend, rather than the annoyance."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I got carried away there."
"It's all right, Harry."
///I can't stand to fly. I'm not that naïve. I'm just out to find. The better part of me///
"Where to start. Ah yes. Everyone thinks I'm so bloody special. Oh yes, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, savior of the wizarding world, Quidditch Seeker extordinare. I suppose they think I'm the magical equivalent of the Muggle Superman or something. No one understands that I just want to be me. Not Ron, not Hermione, not Ginny, not Dumbledore.
Percy does.
Percy is the only one I've ever met who sees me for, well, me. He knows, because he faces the same problem. Perfect Percy the Prefect. None of his brothers really appreciate him, not of the three I know, at any rate. Oh, they love him, don't get me wrong, but they don't appreciate him. Fred and George see him as someone to poke fun of repeatedly. Ron sees him as yet another road block on his path to try and make an image for himself.
Yes, I admit, Percy annoyed me in the beginning. He spoke so pompously all the time, was always so bloody perfect, always acted as better than everyone else, in a different way from Malfoy of course, but it was always there, rubbing itself in our faces.
///I'm more than a bird. I'm more than a plane. I'm more than some. Pretty face beside a train. And it's not easy to be me///
That was before I really got to know him. Then I learned that he was just like me, lost and looking for himself. He's played the 'older brother' role nearly all his life, never having a chance to be the 'younger brother'. I mean, think about it. He's four years older than I am, and two years older than the twins. By the time the twins arrived in Hogwarts, both Bill and Charlie had graduated, so he was left to be the 'good example' and the 'brother to be like'. Molly is always using him as an example when she's angry at the twins and Ron.
Then there's my life. Or my double life, as the case is. With the Dursleys I am the freak, the one who was not to be mentioned unless absolutely necessary, the one to lock in a cupboard and try to forget about. Then there's life among magical folk, where I am the Boy Who Lived, the one who is going to save the world from Voldemort, the one who wins the house cup every year for Gryffindor every year, the one who leads the Gryffindor Quidditch team to victory. Fame and glory; I should love it, shouldn't I?
///I wish that I could cry. Fall upon my knees. Find a way to lie. 'Bout a home I'll never see///
I don't though. I don't love it. No one wants to see Harry Potter, the boy who cries, who has to pass tests, who deals with death every year, who has seen far too much for one who is only fifteen years old. No one wants to see me cry about my parents, no one wants to hear my whishes to have known them. I don't even remember what my home was like before I was shipped off to the Dursleys, and they don't even want to hear that.
It's the same way with Percy. No one wants to see Percy Weasley, the third eldest brother in the family. They just want to see Prefect Percy, Head Boy Percy, Percy who works for the Ministry and is going to bring money to the Weasley family.
///It may sound absurd. But don't be naïve. Even heroes have. The right to bleed///
Percy and I understand each other. He'll tend to my cuts when I start bleeding, and he doesn't ask too many questions. He understands that I won't always be able to be strong. And he's always there for me.
///I may be disturbed. But won't you conceive. Even heroes have. The right to dream. And it's not easy to be me///
I've got dreams that I want to come true. Ever since last year I've seriously been thinking about becoming an Auror. Maybe I'll be able to avenge Cedric's death, you know? Percy's got dreams too. He hopes against hope that he'll be able to secure a good position in the Ministry to provide more money for his family. He can't stand to see them suffer, he really can't. I just hope the threat of Voldemort will fade quickly enough so that his dreams come true.
///Up ahead away. Away from me. Well it's all right. You can all sleep sound tonight. I'm not crazy . or anything///
No, I'm not crazy, despite what Fudge thinks. If he thinks. How he became Minister is beyond me, now that I really look at him and know him. Percy should try for Minister, he's more fit for the job. He actually cares about people.
///I can't stand to fly. I'm not that naïve. Men weren't meant to ride. With clouds between their knees///
Everyone knows I like Quidditch. At least everyone who knows me knows I like Quidditch. I love the sensation of flying. I love the wind blowing through my hair, I love being with the clouds, and I love the happiness that comes with grasping the Snitch in my hands, winning the game. But were it not for the broom, I don't think I'd ever have been able to get up there. It reminds me too much of Superman, the hero that I'm supposed to be.
The hero I don't want to be.
///I'm only a man. In a silly red sheet. Digging for kryptonite. On this one way street. Only a man. In a phony red sheet. Looking for special things. Inside of me, inside of me. Inside of me, inside of me. Inside of me.///
I don't know what people really see in me. I'm not even a full wizard yet. I haven't taken O.W.L's, nor N.E.W.T.'s, and I don't have my Apparating license. Percy tries to tell me what people see in me sometimes, but I've never understood it. I don't even get what he sees in me. But he is my strength when I have none. He completes me, he gives and doesn't expect anything in return. He loves me."
///I'm only a man. In a phony red sheet. I'm only a man. Looking for a dream///
"Do you understand now, Neville, why I love him?"
Neville is silent, before slowly nodding.
"Yes, Harry, I think I do. And, just so you know, Harry?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think it's wrong at all."
I smile tiredly, "Thank you."
"Not at all, mate."
He gets up to leave, and I watch him walk nearly all the way out of the Common Room to our dorm before calling out to him.
"Neville!"
He stops and turns, "Yeah?"
"You're not an annoyance. You're a great friend. Thanks for listening."
///I'm only a man. In a phony red sheet. And it's not easy. It's not easy to be me/// |